I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
