I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
