I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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