"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
