I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
