Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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