he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
