So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
