He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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