he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
