I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
