Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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