My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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