I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
