So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
