I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
