Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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