I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
