No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
