Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
