Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, beer. Big fan.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
