Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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