i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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