I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize