Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
