Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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