highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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