My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize