I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
