I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
