Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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