Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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