we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
