so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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