Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
