He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
