why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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