A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
