question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
