chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
