hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
