we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
