Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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