if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
