we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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