We're like a lot better than the average bears
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This baby is an asshole
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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