His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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