U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
