A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
