I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
