Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
