Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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