Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
