and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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