He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The struggles of a small town man whore
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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