Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
