I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
