you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
