my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
