Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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