Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
