i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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