is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
