I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
