I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
