Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
